In Search of A/The Point of Life

Archive for March, 2010

KAIDIE’S DISLOCATION PROVOKED A WORLDWIDE HUNT (of sorts). (Perhaps Kaidie had been virtually hanging out with Mika, as pixels)

During Kaidie’s absence,  the press was (semi-)hot on its heels to help us hunt her down. Here is one of 2 articles published last week that discusses Kaidie’s dislocation and/or Kaidie in general.

P.S. 1: This article talks about Kaidie’s dislocation without mentioning her disappearance in the past month – so it seems that the journalists here ‘get’ Kaidie’s work! (ie, running in the ambiguous, arbitrary, amorphous gap between reality and imagination)! This is one of the few occassions that the press/public media ‘gets’ Kaidie’s work in her current and previous lives! And this is with-out Kaidie having had ANY contact – remote/virtual/actual -  with the journalists of this article. Allow me at this point to stroke my chin (like Kaidie in this picture) and go, ‘Hmmm. Interesting…’

P.S. 2: However, contrary to what this article claims, as far as I am aware of, issues of nationality and identity are irrelevant in Kaidie’s cosmology. Kaidie is born with no family/history/background/ethnicity/culture/gender/citizenship/place/country/allegiance. She begins afresh, ground zero. That said, she is (al-most certainly) female, the last time I checked.

P.S. 3:  Why is this  categorised as ‘alternative art’? What is this alternative to? What on google-earth is ‘dominant art’? What on google-earth is ‘dominant art’ today? Yesterday’s ‘alternative’ is tomorrow’s mainstream. Fast forward, to the era of Kaidie’s Life 4.0 or 41.1, and this will have been considered as old-school and even classical. Unbelieavable isn’t it. Let me stroke my chin again.

P.S. 4: I am sure Kaidie does not mind charity donations from the readers of the article and this blog for her quest. After all, this has been classified as ‘alternative’, has it not.

P.S. 5: Perhaps Kaidie has not just been continuing her quest for the Meaning of Life 3.0 in Second Life (as we have just established) all this while when she was missing, but cavorting with the not-undelicious Mika and his bubblegum in some storage space as ones and zeroes some where. No wonder she had disappeared! That said, there is clearly a very serious size-compatibility technical issue here: Kaidie’s face alone is the size of Mika’s entire folded-body-on-a-sofa. Tsk tsk tsk! Kaidie should run more loopy loops to shrink into near-no-thing-ness, or drink some magic potion (which we hope is calorie-free) or drink the magic potions while running. Being smaller+lighter+baggage-free, just as being identity/allegiance/race/etc-free, enables her to be dis-located easier any time she needs/wants to. Travelling light is one of the most important rules (along with having good stamina for this multiple-ultra-marathon of transmigration, and endurance – in enduring oneself) for the traveller – more so if you are running. Perhaps Mika knows where/what/when the Meaning of Life 3.0 is? An other chin-stroking time.

Reprinted from CNN Go 23 March 2010.


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THANK YOU for attending Kaidie’s gig last Monday. She has resurfaced – right behind my back, as KAIDIE ABSENT in Second Life. Now that she is re-located, shouldn’t I leave?

Music by Philip Tan.

Thank you very much indeed for attending Kaidie’s gig at Off The Shelf at the Slade School of Dine Art last Monday. Blind and nearly-blind dates are always thrilling, so it was nice meeting some of you in Life 1.0 for the first time. Do note that I mean ‘nice’ in the most ambiguous, generic manner. I am sure you would agree that meetings/encounters in Life 1.0 (offline, face-to-face, material world), Life 2.0 (online, imagination, internal world) and in between – Life 3.0 – are all equally valuable and meaningful (if they are meaningful at all) – for Third-Lifers, who are restless travellers on the move, this is about the only way(s) to meet, ie, halfway, or half of the half, of half of the half of the half, and so on. The notions of eternity, forever-ness and everlasting-ness are but romantic mythologies; a Third-Lifer necessarily runs/travels/migrates/transmigrates alone, and seeks/creates fulfillment in every single moment, however transient. During each of these temporary encounters, the Third-Lifer finds/invents her own drama/climax/closures, and locks them up as happy memories (even if she forgets, they will remain safe and happy, happily ever after). And moves on. (If anything else is forever/eternal/everlasting at all, it is one’s Sisyphean cycle of births-deaths-rebirths-repeated-death-looped-fast-forward-press-play-rewind-press-play-re-press-play-again-in-different-speeds). Lest you think this is a cynical worldview, I suspect that the contrary is true – that Kaidie is yet the most idealistic and romantic of us all. Which was why the invention of a Life 3.0-mixed-reality-goggles (as if life itself is not complicated enough?), as self-delusional and naive as Don Quixote on his grand(iose) quest.

Regardless.

I was hoping that Kaidie, who had been missing for nearly 1 month, would stop running about/away, and return to Life 1.0 for her gigs. She did- briefly – on 14 March, during her 10km charity run for Medecins Sans Frontieres. Fearing that she would not turn up, I had begun the race (for, someone had to answer to her sponsors!). However, halfway through the run, Kaidie appeared. And was she hostile, as she kept trying to trip me and outrun me! Whatever she had eaten while she was away must have been really good, as she was much faster than me, and soon ran past me. The snapshot on the left at the bottom of this post captures that moment that the two of us, Kaidie and Kailives, are locked in a fierce battle, in the same spatio-temporal dimension. But like before, she ran off,  and could not be relocated.

On 22 March, I was hoping that Kaidie would turn up for her own gig at the Slade. I went on stage to do what had to be done, hoping that she would join me at some point. And she did. Not in broad daylight, as it was nearly 22:00hrs, but right behind my back! This photograph on the right shows myself speaking in the foreground, in front if the audience, and Kaidie behind me, in the form of video pixels. It was a black-and-white video (see above) of her in the metaverse, the world-within-world of Second Life. There, she is called ‘Kaidie Absent’.

One would have thought that this is the grand moment of cathartic clarification, of disentanglement and denouement, where all loose ends of this long-running tedious (melo)drama are tied together. But this being (Kaidie’s) life, gosh/no/never/dream on/fat chance/what are you talking about/get out of here. And, this being Kaidie’s life, there are now even more questions than the number of hair in your nostrils (when did you last tabulate the results in your Excel sheets?). Some of the ones sticking out include:

Has Kaidie been in Second Life all this while? Isn’t that too easy! Was it The Good Pirate who kidnapped her there? Was it the Good Pirate who kept the promise of releasing Kaidie for the charity run? What does the Good Pirate want? What is the ransom? After the run, did Kaidie return to SL? Where in SL is she? What is she doing? Where is she visiting? Who is she meeting? Are they like her Life 1.0 brief encounters, or briefer still? Is Kaidie on the ‘Always Run’ motion mode in there? Does she have blisters in SL? She looks like she’s enjoying flying, but does she get (e)motion sickness from flying, like she did on the day that we first met? Has she found the obscure object of her 1000-day quest, the Meaning of Life 3.0? (Must she find The Meaning Of Life 2.0 [?] before that?) Did Kaidie upload the video on her Youtube channel herself? If so, does this mean that she is coming back, to communicate with us, to run her own Facebook account and other Web 2.0 accounts?

If she comes back, shouldn’t I go? Surely I was just Kaidie’s temporary stand-in in Life 1.0 and Life 2.0 outside of the world-within-world of SL while she was in there. Surely I should not figure in the logic of the world of Life 3.0, for the whole point is that Kaidie runs to-and-fro between Life 1.0 and Life 2.0, and that Life 3.0 is an in-between and even transcendent spatio-temporal dimension. Surely only Kaidie should be the real deal, our first guinea pig for the theory of Life 3.0. (Unless, of course, when Kaidie needs a helping hand – Kaidie  did dis-locate a part of her body. I am also an avid reader of her blog, so I would have been disappointed if it was not updated. As Kaidie’s firm Facebook Friend, it is right that I help her keep up appearances.)

But enough already. When will Kaidie return to write this blog herself?

Dear Friends of Kaidie, wouldn’t you be so kind as to go locate ‘Kaidie Absent’ in Second Life? Talk to her. Ask her to come back. Coax her to leave her kidnapper. Remind her that Second Life is not the only life, that there is First Life as well as her Third.

She knows it.


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DAY 101: LOCATED: 2D REPRESENTATION OF ONE OF KAIDIE’S 4D MAPS FOR HER TRAVELS IN METAMULTIVERSES. CAN/SHALL/SHOULD WE USE THIS TO GO THERE THERE WITH KAIDIE?

Did Kaidie use this map to run to Second Life? What is the orientation? What scale are we looking at? Does this map take us there there? What are the hotspots? Where are the in-between areas within the in-between areas? Are there no-go zones? What/where/when are the zones of conflict and contact? If we use this map (in whichever way we deem fit), can we finally locate Kaidie and ask her why she had run away for the past 20 days? Does Kaidie have 'frequent traveller miles' for her restless running about?

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LOCATED: KAIDIE AS TOURIST RUNNING ABOUT IN SECOND LIFE, as we mark Kaidie’s 100th days of existence. WHAT’S SHE UP TO?

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3.0, 2.0. 1.0! READY, GET SET, GO! RUN FOR (Y)OUR LIVES! Kaidie’s 8-minute fullblast at Off the Shelf event, 22 March. Fasten your seatbelts. Or not, for the full impact.

*Curated by: Dr Sharon Morris and Mr Jon Thomson*Presented by: the Slade Word/Image Forum *Time: 22 March 2010, 18:00-22.30pm. *Place: Wilkins North and South Cloisters plus the Old Refectory. Slade School of Dine Art, University College Nondon, Nondon, WC1E 6BT, UK.

KAIDIE COMES ON 21:00-ish, SOUTH CLOISTERS

Life 3.0 is an amorphous spatio-temporal dimension that Kaidie creates by running restlessly to and fro Life 1.0 (physical world/offline), and Life 2.0 (imagination/online). More than 2 weeks ago, Kaidie dislocated a part of her body after a run at her favourite Regents Fark, and thereafter, could not be located altogether! Where on googleearth has she run off to? We are hoping that Kaidie will turn up for this performance, in which she is scheduled to talk about her Life 3.0, which is theoretically the best of both worlds. In which case, why had she run away? So, will (her) theory triumph? Or is this precisely an instance of the failure of her theoretical proposition? If Kaidie does not turn up, would Kailives stand-in instead, as she did for her talk at the Nondon College of Communication? Or, will Kaidie run back in time, and tell us where she has been all this while? Will (Kaidie’s) theory (of Life 3.0) live happily ever after with (her) practice (of her life)? Your guess is as good as mine.

ABOUT OFF THE SHELF:

Taking as its theme a re-examination of the Small Press Collection of rare magazines housed at UCL, this event will give you the chance to engage with the spirit of the alternative ‘avant-garde’ press, re-visiting early texts that straddle the divide between art and poetry – including artists and writers Vito Acconci, Sol Le Witt, Ian Hamilton Finlay, Derek Jarman and Bob Cobbing. These texts will be explored through various forms of performance and accompanied by film, video and documentation of the period. The evening will also stage new creative works by contemporary visual artists, writers and musicians, and students, and a ‘speaker’s corner’ with short talks by members of the Slade Word/Image Research Forum.

KAIDIE’S UPCOMING EVENTS IN BETWEEN LIFE 1.0 and LIFE 2.0:

* Tuesday 23 February: Article by Mayo Martin in Today, on Singapore artists and the Internet
* June: PhD Exhibition, Slade School of Dine Art
* Summer: Live GPS-Twitter-Nondon Walk performance event with Urbantick.
* PLUS: Exhibition/performance some time, somewhere in Life 2.0. With Chutha Indigo. Secret location to be announced!

KAIDIE’S PAST EVENTS:

* 26 January 2010: Performance Lecture, Villa Straeuli, Winterthur, Switzerland.
* 14 March: Kaidie runs 10km for Medicins Sans Frontieres, Regent’s Fark (53 minutes 20 seconds, 16th position out of 82 girls)
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Where has Kaidie been all this while? After the run, where did Kaidie go? Latest conspiracy theory: LUCY SUSPECTS THAT KAIDIE HAS TRANS-MIGRATED (or hitchhiked) TO AN ONLINE NAPLES AND OTHER GREENER PASTURES.

Guest post by Lucy Natarajan

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TO KAIDIE’S SPONSORS FOR THE MEDECINS SANS FRONTIERES RUN, THANK YOU VERY MUCH INDEED! from all of us.

Dear Joy, Kian Chow, Jon, Miss Nim, Kal, Horst, Wee San, Chutha, Sarah, Omar and Chin Hwee,

How are you? We hope you had a good weekend.

1. We would like to say THANK YOU very much indeed for having made a generous contribution to Kaidie’s participation in the Friends of Medecins Sans Frontieres charity race. Thanks to you, in a matter of only 2 weeks, £110 was collected under Kaidie’s name.

2. Because of your financial blackmail, Kaidie had sworn to ‘not let you down’, ‘do her very best’, ‘keep going’ till she ‘drops dead’, ‘reach the finishing line while thinking of you for 10km’, and so on.

3. However, all that promised, much has happened in the last 10 days, that has left us a little baffled. Kaidie had a tumble while practising her run all-too-eagerly, and subsequently, suddenly disappeared, 1 week prior to the race. There had been several conflciting reports of her being thereafter, in and across Lives 3.0, 2.0, and 1.0. There had even been suggesions that she had ‘moved on’ to Lives 4.0 or 43.2. At the meantime, Kailives has emerged, to keep up appearances in Kaidie’s absence.

4. Whilst we were wondering/pondering which space-time dimensions restless Kaidie has relocated or transmigrated, we also found a map of Kaidie’s very own version of the run route, which left us worried if Kaidie would ever complete the stipulated 10km! To add to the cacaphony of signals, we received a note from a ‘Good Pirate’ on the very morning of 14 March, hinting in a somewhat coded manner that Kaidie would be ‘released’ for the run.

5. Today, we received a set of photographs from Cadam, Dadam, and Eadam (THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH INDEED!) The 3 Nondoners were taking a walk in Regents Fark and caught the race. “I whipped up my phone to take photos of the runners because I was so irritated that they blocked the roads and spoiled my Sunday walk,” Cadam cries furiously. Dadam adds, “But I recall Kailives’ plea for help to locate Kaidie, and knowing Kaidie’s shapeshifting talents, I took pictures of the Banana Man and the Naked Man in the run, thinking that either  – or both – might be Kaidie in disguise”.  “I was looking out for a 3-month old crawling,” Eadam says.

6. Examining the photographs, we ask: Who is this out-of-focus many-headed person? Is this Kaidie or Kailives? Or both of them in the same space-time? What did they say to each other on their reunification? Or did they distribute the workload and did 5km each? And which route(s) did they take? The official Friends of Medecins Sans Frontieres run route, or the one Kaidie had drawn out? Did Kaidie/Kailives complete the run, or did they disappoint you, their sponsors?

7. Keen to find out nothing but the truths, we went back to Regents Fark this morning and combed through the area. After several seconds, we found a shoe tag 264 near the ducks’ pond, and Kaidie’s certificate near the giraffes’ dwelling! Then, squatting at Kaidie’s email, we were also sent a set of timings of the run, telling us that a ‘Kaidie Nondon’, aka ’264′, has completed the run at 53 minutes 20 seconds, which translates at an approximate 11.3kmh. Out of the 82 girls who ran the 10km race, Kaidie ranks 16.

8. Suffice to say that we are relieved. So Kaidie/Kailives/either/or/neither/nor/both did not take your money and run off, but did run to the finishing line. Amorphous  and reality-flexible as she is, she still has some old-fashioned virtues of sticking to her promises.

9. However, we do not know where they have next run off to. Wherever they are now, they must have gone in a hurry, for they had left the shoe tag and certificate behind (perhaps deliberately, as she did her glove).

10. If you are reading this, Kaidie/Kailives, please use the dustbin the next time.

Dear Sponsors, we do apologise for having to step in and speak on Kaidie’s behalf, but we wish to say THANK YOU once again, for making this generous donation for a worthy cause. It was a tiny gesture on Kaidie’s part (and she might have distributed her workload with Kailives anyways), but your donation helps people to get the medical attention that they need . Please do not forget to continue to support the work of the Medecins Sans Frontieres (while we clean up Kaidie’s acts).

With much gratitude,

From all of us.


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WHO/WHERE IS THE VIRTUAL PIRATE? WHERE IS KAIDIE? WHERE IS KAILIVES? WILL THEY ALL MEET IN THE SAME SPACE-TIME? WHO WILL RUN THE RACE TODAY?

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BREAKING NEWS: LOCATED: Kaidie’s ‘plan of attack’ for Sunday’s run. KAIDIE’S SPONSORS, I hope she does NOT run/crawl THIS route!!

I HAVE TO SHARE THIS WITH YOU! I have just found this while sifting through Kaidie’s laptop, which comes in the folder named ‘Plan Of Attack for MSF Run’. Immediately, this sent a sharp, deep chill down my spine – instead of the official running route outlined by the Friends of the Medecins Sans Frontieres for this Sunday’s run, Kaidie was going to run in all the in-between spaces in between the route drawn out, as well as running in between other runners, on top of making several detours to visit her friends at the zoo and the pond (Kaidie’s even packed her swimming togs! AND GOGGLES!), as well as running on and on, looped, until the Fark closes. We know that Kaidie is a non-linear in-betweener and that she is a restless traveller of lives and across lives, blahblahblah, but this is just a little bit too much, for she will NEVER reach the finishing line. And how is she going to report to her sponsors?? KAIDIE, IF YOU ARE READING THIS, I’M TELLING YOU THAT I AM DESTROYING THIS MAP SO THAT YOU CAN’T USE THIS ON SUNDAY! … But I don’t trust you – maybe I should do the run instead? … But your shoes are way too tiny for me… I am not convinced why I should get blisters and runners toes on your behalf, Kaidie.


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CAN YOU FILL KAIDIE’S modestly-sized SHOES? If your screen is 15″, this is the EXACT size of Kaidie’s feet. Go on, stick your feet up at your shiny screen.

I located 2 of the 3 pairs of running shoes of Kaidie's. One is half a size larger/smaller than the other, so you have no excuses for not filling any one up.

Running route courtesy of Friends of MSF Charity Run 2010.

Kaidie has been missing for more than 1 week. If she were alive, she would turn 3 months old tomorrow (12 March 2010). If she comes back on time and joins this Sunday’s charity run at Regents Fark, she would also be the youngest participant at 3 months 2 days. Given this tender age, it is only natural that she crawls the 10km, as she warns her kind sponsors and you, her Dear Readers repeatedly.

Having hacked into her travel blog and other online accounts, I am now methodically rummaging through her things in her Life 1.0, in her flat in Nondon. Yes I am no more voyeuristic than you are, but yes I do it with class and panache. Indeed Kaidie does not disappoint! I managed to find something SCANDALOUS, and took a picture with my camera. Take a good look at the image – one pair of shoes is HALF A SIZE BIGGER/SMALLER THAN THE OTHER!!! Now, what could that mean? Are they BOTH Kaidie’s? Or, perhaps Kaidie only owns ONE pair. IN WHICH CASE, THE INEVITABLE QUESTION IS, WHO OWNS THE OTHER PAIR?… … Well, certainly not ME, Kailives! Maybe there is YET an other person BETWEEN us???

Hardcore in-betweeners as Kaidie and I are, that would be quite a crowd, wouldn’t it. I suspect that Kaidie is simply living up her Life 3.0 mantra, of being so consistently inconsistent that even her feet sizes are uneven.

Any how. We still have not solved the problem of having to face the impending race for the Medecins Sans Frontieres this Sunday with NO Kaidie. Having raised £110 in a matter of 2 weeks for the run from the kind souls (THANK YOU, KAIDIE’S ANGELIC SPONSORS!), Kaidie, or SOMEONE has to run (or crawl). I am still awaiting for any of you to step in to fill Kaidie’s small shoes. It is only 10km (see route attached), with an oh-so-lovely Back-To-Bloody-Winter-Before-Nondon-Has-The-Decency-To-Make-Up-Its-Bloody-Mind-To-Turn-Spring-BECAUSE-IT-IS-ALREADY-MARCH single-digit temperature. Add to that rain too, according to different weather reports. I can be your pacer/sidekick/cheerleader. Any of us would be better than our foul-tempered Kaidie, who will run it while swearing at the rain/cold/sweat/grass/RegentsFarkDucks, etc.

But what’s temporary discomfort compared to much agony that others have to endure without medical help. Support the run. This would be Kaidie’s perfect birthday gift.

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PERHAPS KAIDIE HAS FALLEN INTO THE GAP AT ANGEL TUBE STATION AND MOVED ON (or had her body dragged by the tube). TO KEEP UP APPEARANCES, I WILL HAVE TO BE HER STAND-IN FOR NOW.

Kaidie has disappeared from Life 3.0.

It is nearly Spring as we speak. Thank you all so much for your help in trying to locate Kaidie. Many of you have offered advice or condolences. Some of you also offer to pray for me. I do appreciate your concerns. Since Kaidie’s sudden disappearance last week, not only have I had to hack into this gawdawful travel blog that soooooooooooooooooo many of you have complained of its user-unfriendliness and un-navigibility, I have had to hack into her Facebook and Twitter accounts as well, to appeal for any tipoffs from her friends, ie, you, you and you at the back, and yes, you at the back of the back of the front of the back.

Then I received Claudia’s message, which set my small brain churning at breakneck – sorry I mean breakmind- speed. Like Scottie trying to bring all the shattered fragments that makes up (his and only his notion of) ‘Madeleine’ together, I try to retrace the cookie and doughnut and pastry trails that Kaidie has left behind all this while, in the past 80 days. Recall for instance, Kaidie’s urge for us to not mind the gap but plunge into the digital rabbit hole. Remember also how bloody clumsy she is, having fallen 1) off the treadmill 2) on her butt and on her knees while in Heidiland, and  3) head over heals in the matter of 2.5 months. She has also often talked about having a decisive voice when it comes to the matters of her own birth and death, the journey(s) in between and her loopy Sisyphean cycles of transmigration (of Life 3.0, 4.0, 42.78 and so on). Hence, at this point in time, I will have to draw the in-conclusion that Kaidie has travelled the shortcut to Dignitas, and dived into the gap between the platform and the train, and at Angel Station for added poetry (instead of, say, ‘Crouch End’ or ‘Hanger Lane’, though ‘Highgate’ and ‘All Saints’ sound awfully elegant as well), paying homage to the Japanese preference for plunging at the Chuo Line at the beginning of the cheery Spring Season, the same time that cherry blossoms start to peek, as a signifier of a new beginning, free of space, time, space-time, mind, body and soul. This sounds romantic and even heroic, sure, but trust me, Kaidie’s expiry will be/is anything but – not when your corpse is dislocated all over and covered with dirty tube soot and tube commuters’ spits and throwaway shredded Evening Standards and stale dirty kebab-made-of-kidney-and-intestines-and-other-crouch-ends.

All that said, the above is merely a hypothesis. Kaidie might well be still be alive (of sorts, if that is what she is capable of doing), as she has been spotted by Chutha and Michael hanging out in Second Life.

Well, what—ever! (Go on, irritate the hell out of Kaidie and say this in your best, like, valspeak accent please. Yes, like, like that.)

With less than 12 hours to Kaidie’s scheduled lecture at the Nondon College of Communication, and not having any of you to step in to take the place of her avatar (WHY THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH, ROYAL READERS OF KAIDIE’S TRAVEL BLOG), I have had to step in to be her stand-in. I have found her script for the lecture and am practising it as we speak. Just to continue to keep up appearances, I am also having to step into her small (running) shoes for her charity run for the Medecins Sans Frontieres this Sunday, and to conduct her ‘live’ reading on 22 March in a Slade School of Dine Art event. (Unless, of course, she turns up at the time being).

In response to Wmartens88 who asks me who I am: Well, you know me. You read about me in her blog on 12.12.2009, the day she was born. I met her in East Nondon, after visiting the Sophie Calle show, while I was walking the Janet Cardiff audio tour. She had come tumbling down from the skies, her face full of her own puke, having suffered from airsickness from hovering in the skies with her giant cheapskate plastic wings stapled to her shoulders. We became Facebook friends from that day.

My dear Wmartens88, my name is not Kaidie. I am quite different from her. My name is Kailives. How do you do? Have we met?

2 Kaidies meet in Life 3.0

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Dislocating Kaidie: ONE OF KAIDIE’S GLOVES FOUND AT ST PANCREAS STATION! AND OTHER SIGHTINGS. HAVE YOU SPOTTED KAIDIE IN THE PAST 3 DAYS?

Kaidie's gloves in Life 3.0 or Life 1.0 or Life 2.0

Kaidie has been missing since 3 March. Referring to the Nondon A-Z, I scoured around Nondon in my kickscooter tracing some of Kaidie’s  hangouts such as Regents Fark, Pings Pross, Lupus Street and Faker Street.

Finally, at the St Pancreas Station, I spotted one of Kaidie’s gloves on the ground. Which sets off a loopy chain of questions:

Where could Kaidie be? Why has she disappeared? Has her fall at Fuston Road made her take a reality check and decide to transform herself into thin air? Have her wound cuts become infested with onionringworms and ticks and moulds and ingrown toenails that her body became eaten away by the new foreign invaders and she was left to die young at DAY 80? What has she fallen head-over-heels with, that has imprisoned her heart (has she got any?) and soul (does she have one?) and physical being? Has she been mugged/kidnapped/murdered/raped/mutilated/slashed/burnt/crashed/hacked into, and had her dislocated limbs strewn all over the Hackney marshes and mixed with the stuffs that are to go into the Olympics Stadium, or has her supersized brain with multiple plugins shredded into pieces by the vultures encircling this sceptred isle?  Has she become disoriented from her oh-so-anti-linear derives?  Has she lost her bearings after the batteries of her GPS Garmin Etrex went flat? Kaidie’s Facebook wall is a wall of silence- is it because she has hit the wall? Or banged her head against it? Has she gone into hiding? What is she hiding from? Has she found the object of her quest, the Meaning of Life 3.0, and spontaneously combusted in the Holy Mother of All Climaxes? Has she hit jackpot of g-spots of ‘THE truth about what in the bloody world this is all bloody about’, and choked herself to death in her self-congratulatory pants/sighs/porksqueals of orgasmic delight? Are the satellites able to detect Kaidie’s whereabouts? Where has she gone? Has she left Nondon? Has Nondon the metropolis devoured and crippled her? Has Kaidie died (and become just ‘Kai’)? Has she given up her impossible quest? Has she chickened out? Has she concluded the experiment with what she had already known, that is, that there is no such thing as ‘A/The Meaning of Life’ (3.0, 2.0, 1.0, or 4.0, or 44.3 etc, for that matter).  Has she been sucked into the offline world of Life 1.0, or that of the online metaverses in Life 2.0, and stopped travelling to-&-fro in the chaosmos of Life 3.0? Is she still in the amorphous space-time of Life 3.0 at all, or has she shapeshifted into an earthly avatar in Life 1.o, or an e-Orlando in Life 2.0? Has she given up Life 3.0, given her extreme impatience ? How can we continue with this? Shall we conclude and wind up the experiment of Kaidie’s Life 3.0 already, more than 900 days ahead of schedule? (Whoo-hoo! I punch my fists in the air.)

And of course, not to forget other pertinent questions such as: Where is Kaidie’s other glove? What can one do with 1 glove? Can you hear the sound of 1 hand clapping? Can you swear the hound of 1 glove slapping? Did Kaidie deliberately leave 1 glove behind? Is it a Hansel-&-Gretel cookie trail?

Frankly speaking, given that she is merely an object of experiment, we would not much care if Kaidie is dead/alive, but it just seems slightly irresponsible of her to simply evaporate, given that this month, Kaidie has also been scheduled to appear in several events. The first one comes up in a couple of days, on Tuesday 9 March 11:30am at Nondon College of Communication, and on Sunday 14 March, Kaidie is supposed to run for Medecins Sans Frontieres at Regents Fark. I have also been informed that during Kaidie’s absence, there has been a fresh donation by ‘Miss Nim’ for Kaidie’s run. (On Kaidie’s behalf, THANK YOU MISS NIM!!)

At the meantime, Kaidie is nowhere to be found, yet. There has been sightings here and there. Some are cryptic, others seem plausible. Like a Rashomon conundrum, can any of these be verified? Who is telling the truth(s)? Can we conjure up Kaidie’s dead ghost to enlighten (or scare) us?  Have you spotted Kaidie in Nondon in the past 3 days? Have you spotted Kaidie outside of Nondon in the past 3 days? Any other clues? Write in and help find the missing person please! There will be a mystery reward.

Now I am slightly flummoxed – what if we cannot find Kaidie in time? Must I exercise executive power and cancel all events? Or, should/must I find someone to impersonate her, as if nothing has happened? Would YOU like to take over Kaidie’s avatar, for a change? Wanna swop? Shall we barter trade or play chess at the beach?

Kaidie is missing in Life 3.0

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KAIDIE, DISLOCATED.

Dislocated Kaidie in Nondon

Where on google-earth might Kaidie be? 2 days ago Kaidie reported  that she ‘fell head over heals at Fuston Road’ and that it ‘transformed’ her. She shared some image of some dislocated part of her body with some injury of some sorts. We – by that I mean you and I – have not heard from her since. I have had to hack into her site and ask you: would you know where Kaidie might be? Have you seen Kaidie in Nondon?

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DAY 80: KAIDIE FALLS (her 3rd in the last 80 days) HEAD OVER HEELS RUNNING ALONG THE PAVEMENT OF FUSTON ROAD. SHE IS TRANSFORMED.

Kaidie's Life 3.0: topple

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ANALYSIS OF MY 155.0km PATHETIC RUN-WALK IN COMPENSATION FOR MY 1550km NONDON-ZURICH-NONDON FLIGHT. (But don’t you dare scoff – better SOME effort than NO THING [?])!

155km_CH

I am presenting you, my Dear Readers, THE official one and only scientific philosophical analysis of my Nondon-Zurich trip last month. I had promised to run/walk/crawl/jump/swim 155.0km as a pathetic gesture to pay for my 1550km Nondon – Zurich – Nondon flight.

So finally I have recovered from my jetlag (there is a 1 hour time difference between London and Switzerland, for those of you who did not know). After a few nights of 12 hours of sleep, (thus is the luxury of Life 3.0) I was recharged and sat down to tabulate my results.

The chart in the centre is my own documentation of my journeys. I began working towards fulfilling my goal from 22 January, and 15 days later, I completed the given task. A few points to note:

- All distances are estimations (based on previous timings, ‘measurements’ [using my fine fingers' widths] of distances based on paper maps).

- As distance (and endurance) is the aim, timing is not taken into consideration. (In any case, my pace is alwaaaaayyyyys sloooowwwwwwwwwwwwww – but some are slower than sloooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.)

- For any given session, distances must be more than 5km to be taken into account. Anything less will be ignored (and laughed at).

What surrounds this chart are maps generated by Mini, my Garmin foretrex 201 GPS, which I borrowed from CASA and Urbantick (whom I suspect owns a large stash of  other Minis, Mediums and Majors, given his quite interesting experiments in the field.) Detailed versions of these maps can be found on my page on GPSies. The thicker lines in blue are my tracks as documented by Mini. (Information geeks who find pleasure from creating/looking at different patterns from words and numbers will derive some joy from sites like these. However, I like to believe that I maintain a critical distance [pun intended]).

Not harbouring any gadget-fetishism whatsoever (oh puh-leaazzee, dah-ling, I am an au-naturale artificial being! Tsk tsk.), one of the points that intrigues me at this point is the difference between my representation and Mini’s, ie, one that is (supposedly) subjective (based on memory and temperaments of fingers), arbitrary (based on [highly-educated, ahem] estimations) and analogue, vs one that is (supposedly) scientific, accurate, objective and digital.

This difference/gap/slippage is the space-time where/when Kaidie exists/lives.

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