PERHAPS KAIDIE HAS FALLEN INTO THE GAP AT ANGEL TUBE STATION AND MOVED ON (or had her body dragged by the tube). TO KEEP UP APPEARANCES, I WILL HAVE TO BE HER STAND-IN FOR NOW.

It is nearly Spring as we speak. Thank you all so much for your help in trying to locate Kaidie. Many of you have offered advice or condolences. Some of you also offer to pray for me. I do appreciate your concerns. Since Kaidie’s sudden disappearance last week, not only have I had to hack into this gawdawful travel blog that soooooooooooooooooo many of you have complained of its user-unfriendliness and un-navigibility, I have had to hack into her Facebook and Twitter accounts as well, to appeal for any tipoffs from her friends, ie, you, you and you at the back, and yes, you at the back of the back of the front of the back.

Then I received Claudia’s message, which set my small brain churning at breakneck – sorry I mean breakmind- speed. Like Scottie trying to bring all the shattered fragments that makes up (his and only his notion of) ‘Madeleine’ together, I try to retrace the cookie and doughnut and pastry trails that Kaidie has left behind all this while, in the past 80 days. Recall for instance, Kaidie’s urge for us to not mind the gap but plunge into the digital rabbit hole. Remember also how bloody clumsy she is, having fallen 1) off the treadmill 2) on her butt and on her knees while in Heidiland, and  3) head over heals in the matter of 2.5 months. She has also often talked about having a decisive voice when it comes to the matters of her own birth and death, the journey(s) in between and her loopy Sisyphean cycles of transmigration (of Life 3.0, 4.0, 42.78 and so on). Hence, at this point in time, I will have to draw the in-conclusion that Kaidie has travelled the shortcut to Dignitas, and dived into the gap between the platform and the train, and at Angel Station for added poetry (instead of, say, ‘Crouch End’ or ‘Hanger Lane’, though ‘Highgate’ and ‘All Saints’ sound awfully elegant as well), paying homage to the Japanese preference for plunging at the Chuo Line at the beginning of the cheery Spring Season, the same time that cherry blossoms start to peek, as a signifier of a new beginning, free of space, time, space-time, mind, body and soul. This sounds romantic and even heroic, sure, but trust me, Kaidie’s expiry will be/is anything but – not when your corpse is dislocated all over and covered with dirty tube soot and tube commuters’ spits and throwaway shredded Evening Standards and stale dirty kebab-made-of-kidney-and-intestines-and-other-crouch-ends.

All that said, the above is merely a hypothesis. Kaidie might well be still be alive (of sorts, if that is what she is capable of doing), as she has been spotted by Chutha and Michael hanging out in Second Life.

Well, what—ever! (Go on, irritate the hell out of Kaidie and say this in your best, like, valspeak accent please. Yes, like, like that.)

With less than 12 hours to Kaidie’s scheduled lecture at the Nondon College of Communication, and not having any of you to step in to take the place of her avatar (WHY THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH, ROYAL READERS OF KAIDIE’S TRAVEL BLOG), I have had to step in to be her stand-in. I have found her script for the lecture and am practising it as we speak. Just to continue to keep up appearances, I am also having to step into her small (running) shoes for her charity run for the Medecins Sans Frontieres this Sunday, and to conduct her ‘live’ reading on 22 March in a Slade School of Dine Art event. (Unless, of course, she turns up at the time being).

In response to Wmartens88 who asks me who I am: Well, you know me. You read about me in her blog on 12.12.2009, the day she was born. I met her in East Nondon, after visiting the Sophie Calle show, while I was walking the Janet Cardiff audio tour. She had come tumbling down from the skies, her face full of her own puke, having suffered from airsickness from hovering in the skies with her giant cheapskate plastic wings stapled to her shoulders. We became Facebook friends from that day.

My dear Wmartens88, my name is not Kaidie. I am quite different from her. My name is Kailives. How do you do? Have we met?